Are You Wife Material or a Wifey happens to be my third most read post to date on theSUNK.com. Not only do women want to be successful in their careers, but ultimately they want to be boo’d up, to find a man, get married, have great sex and have beautiful children. The last post was said to be vague, and it left some readers more frustrated than they were before they read it. So how do you know you’re a Wife-to-Be rather than just a Wifey? If you want to know what things black men look for in a wife, then read this:
Independent, Interdependent, Dependent
Will you self-destruct if he’s not around for a day or two? Is your existence dependent upon him? Equally, do you shun his assistance? Can you take his help or do you want to be the man? Have you been doing for yourself for so long that you’ve forgot how to be taken care of? Answering yes to any of these questions isn’t good. Men want a woman that is balanced, a woman that possesses her own interests, yet wants (rather than needs) her man to be around.
Men, like women, think about what hereditary issues their boo might have that can be passed to their children. If you have lupus, asthma, or glaucoma that runs through your family, that’s something of importance. Even the small stuff like the men being short in your family could turn a man off, because they don’t want to have short children.
Do You Make Sense
When you bring an issue to him about some discrepancy with a friend, family member, etc., does your argument sound coherent or do you just assume that he will always take your side? Can you be unbiased and admit when you are in the wrong or have jumped the gun? Or are you a woman that can’t take being wrong and would rather be right than fair? Sometimes women would rather when the fight or verbal spat, than actually solve the problem that they are arguing about.
On your worst day, that includes no make-up, no weave/recent do, and even when you’re not feeling yourself, How do you look? Men often can be turned on or turned off by the after sex you. Most of the time in marriage you won’t be all dolled up. On those days, men decide if they are still as attracted to you as they were the first time they saw you.
Problem Solving; Handling Adversity: Step In
When you’re stressed out, how do you handle it? Do you panic? Do you remain calm? Or you have a breakdown? Men want to understand the load they will have to bear when it comes time to console you. The way you handle stress may impact your partner just as much as it impacts you. No one wants to end up with the worrier.
No man wants a woman that is hard on forgiveness, yet no man wants a woman that is too forgiving. Men need a balance of backbone and leniency. They need a successful relationship. If you make him pay for a mistake, don’t continue to bring it up; that shows you haven’t truly forgiven him. People make mistakes, but no decent man will stay with a woman that lets him turn mistakes into habits.
The conscience of Self and World; Volunteer
You don’t have to be Angela Davis or some activist crime fighting soul sista, but please be aware of the social conditions around you. Please be aware that though it is hard being a Black woman, it might be even a little tougher being a Black man, even though we all have our own struggles as people of color. Be empathetic to his condition and hopefully he will reciprocate and understand your struggle. Men pay close attention to how you treat others and this is one of the things black men look for in you as a wife.
Nurture/Potential to Be a Mother
Does he respect you? Do you respect yourself Can he see you being the mother of his children? Potential husbands usually want to be fathers and they want a respectable woman to raise their children. A man’s weakness is a woman that is kind to every human being.
Get It, Spend It
When we first meet you and during the early dating stages, men do their homework and notice your spending habits. They’re trying to figure out if you’re high maintenance, frugal, and/or how much you may cost them in the long run. They are also trying to see if you are fair when it comes to spending habits, e.g.,“Sometimes I pay, sometimes you pay,” or some other method. A man will not wife a chick with bad spending habits, especially if he doesn’t believe he can foot the bills. Money will ruin any good relationship.
Wit vs. Intelligence
You graduated from college with a 3.6 and you were in the top ten percent in your class, so you think you’re hot sh!t…nope you’re not. There’s a difference between being intelligent and witty: intelligence gets you a job and wittiness gets you a husband. Wit is when you can jokingly tell your boyfriend to get his sh!t together without him feeling attacked. Wit is when you can talk slicker than he can and make him happy rather than just make him smile. Wit is the difference between a nagging girlfriend and a woman you don’t want to disappoint.
What do you think?